Part 1: The Decision
Part 2: Preparation for Social change and the reaction of the Society
Part 3: Preparation for the effects on relationship with your family
This is likely one of the few most delicate changes which you need to plan for during your break out of corporate life.
If you do it smoothly, wisely, and reasonably, and your new life will be much easier and happier.
And that is the best way to do it – smooth, wise, and reasonable.
First, realize that this is a big change for everyone. These are your family, after all, your spouse, children and parents, brothers or sisters or your close relatives – people who have been with you since you were born, in some way or another, and people who have invested in your well being to varying degrees, if not all of them investing in it to the maximum extent.
Therefore, you must open up to them first, before everyone else, and do it slowly and smoothly. Before dealing with your larger social circles and your relationship with the society at large, you must work on your family and relatives first.
First to think about is your spouse, your children, your dependents
Realize this: their lives will be affected to a maximum extent with your life change.
Your finances may change. Your status, as a result, your family’s status in society may change. The opinion of your relatives on your family may change. Their behavior towards your family may change. Your family’s status, function, the relationship of your family with neighbors in your neighborhood may change. You may or may not be able to continue the same life standards you used to, you may have to change the neighborhood you live in, children may need to change their schools, changing the city you are living in may be in order, even maybe the country…
So, when you start planning your break out of corporate life, make it your first act to analyze all these possibilities and determine what changes will affect your family when you implement your decision to break out of corporate life.
First, finances
Think about your family’s finances. How is the income status of your family? Are you the only breadwinner? Does your spouse work? Do you have any passive income?
Will the new work you will do in the new direction which you will take be enough to feed your family?
If so, will it be enough to continue the same living standards and live in the same place?
If not, how will your life standards have to change? Which expenses you can cut? Do you have to change your neighborhood, city, or country? If so, where to go, and how?
If you can continue the same living standards and live in the same place, how will the status of your family in your neighborhood and the life you currently live in your immediate neighborhood get affected? Status of your spouse? Your children?
Is the new life you are going to embark on going to bring more positive changes? Can the differences be worked out? Are there any issues that can be solved with middle-of-the-way measures?
Analyze each of these and write down a list with headlines if necessary. Put potential effects and any potential solution to them under each main headline. Try to find solutions that shake the lives of your family the least, while at the same time making your life transition as smooth as possible.
Prepare a solid financial plan which will provide for your family and what they are accustomed to. Take into account everything. Itemize anything you can think of. Plan into next decade, to 20 years, and into retirement. Plan for children’s education. Plan for any unforeseen circumstances. Avoid going extreme, but also avoid being careless. Have fallback plans for potential possibilities. Cover your bases.
Make sure whatever savings or passive income you currently have are enough to cover your break out of corporate life, and is enough to last you until you get comfortably started with your new work. Make sure that it also is enough in the case the plans don’t work out as you planned, and it will sustain you until you secure your family’s well-being with another job if your first choice for the new work activity does not produce satisfactory outcomes.
It sounds strong, but do account and plan for any eventuality and have fallback plans and savings: You will feel much, much better and more confident.
So, have your financial prospects in order. Have a plan which accounts for everything – a plan which you can present to your spouse, your family, parents, children when they logically question you on the financial aspects of this change.
Next, your family’s place in the society
Everything may change when you quit your corporate job, including the place of your family in the society you live in, and the behavior of the immediate social circles towards your family.
You may be with the ‘in’ crowd in your current corporate job. Your children may be going to classy schools. You may live in a good neighborhood. Society may have a certain stance towards you and your family.
When you quit your corporate job, these may change in an instant or slowly.
Even if you are in a thankless, low-paying corporate job that does not confer any benefits or place to your family in society, things may still change.
Despite these are social phenomena that are hard to analyze, predict and quantify, try to account for any potential change and make a list of them.
Determine whether these are important changes which you should be careful to work around or the trappings of societal whims which are better left behind. Determine whether these are parts of the corporate hellscape that you want to leave behind, or they are reasonable parts of your life.
Even if they are parts of the hellscape that you want to leave behind, prepare a smooth transition out of those social norms and roles. Plan for smooth sailing out of those norms into the new norms which you are going to accept as parts of your new life.
Your parents
Now, this is a major item in your checklist…
One’s parents are generally major factors in the person’s life. As an adult as well as a kid.
The chances are high that your parents will be quite surprised, if not shocked by your major life change decision. And their reaction will depend on where you are from, which social class you belong to, the characters of each of your parents, and their past life, past or current profession, their upbringing, and their values.
Let’s check a few examples:
If you are from a developed country with strong social programs and safety nets, and also at the same time from a middle to upper-middle-class educated family or higher, your parents may react to your life change very positively. They may feel that your society has enough social safety nets, programs to ensure the well-being of your family in case anything goes wrong. Which can make them much more receptive to the life change which you are planning.
If you are from a developing country that lacks such programs, and even in case your country has such programs, your parents may be greatly worried about the financial prospects in your life. They may have seen poverty, they may have lived through poverty, and they may get very worried that you may end up suffering through similar difficulties. This is where the financial plan you prepared in the earlier step comes into play.
Regardless of the soundness of your plan, your parents may be worried more than what particular worry your financial plan may alleviate. This is a problem which you will need to try your best to address if you are living in a developing country or if you are from a low socioeconomic stratum in a developing country.
Understand your parents’ worries and work with them in such a case. You must be understanding and receptive to their objections, especially if they are made in good faith with worry over your well-being. Even if you could not totally alleviate those worries, try to alleviate them to the maximum extent you can without compromising your goal and your plan.
A more difficult thing to address will be societal expectations as they are reflected by parents onto kids in your society:
There may be an ‘accepted and best’ route of life in the society in which you are living. You may be expected to be a successful student, graduate from a prestigious university, get a respectable corporate job, get promoted to a manager position or something similar in 5 to 10 years, and then maintain and further this position for the rest of your life until retirement.
You may be expected to live a certain lifestyle, you may be expected to fulfill certain functions in your society depending on the different expectations and traditions which your society has.
Your parents may have built their expectations of you totally or partially on these societal norms.
And these expectations may totally determine your parents’ reaction to your decision, creating totally different situations than others who are in a similar position like you:
A person belonging to a middle-class or upper-class educated family from a western country, working in a desirable position in a high tech company in, say, San Francisco may enjoy positive reaction and acceptance from their parents regarding his decision to quit corporate life and pursue a different direction.
Another person working in the exact same tech company with similar qualifications and success, but from a similarly educated middle to upper-class family from, say, China, may experience a totally negative and strong reaction from their parents when he or she tells them that s/he is going to quit the prestigious tech job and choose a totally different direction.
Despite the socioeconomic and educational backgrounds of the parents may be similar or even the same in regard to their respective societies, their reaction to such a decision can get totally determined by the societal norms and expectations.
You must account for these differences and prepare your plan accordingly.
In such a situation you may have to accept that there will be some frustration and friction on part of your parents and fortify yourself to follow the new life direction which you are taking. Of course, you will do that after trying to alleviate all these issues according to the itemized plan which you have made. If you can somehow demonstrate that the new life direction which you are taking can be reasonably accepted and respected in your society, all the better.
If not, then you will have to work around it.
The thumb rule is to first alleviate financial worries. The second is to alleviate social worries. To the best extent which you can.
Remember one important thing: You may get into some conflict with your parents in such a case. But, realize that 20, 30 years into the future, your parents may not be around since its the nature of life, and even if they are, society and even your parents may have changed to a great degree which could totally invalidate all the earlier social considerations and worries which your parents or you had. Society changes. Life changes. Be determined to follow the direction which you want to go, if you think you will be happy and fulfilled in that direction. For 30 years later, none of those worries and trappings of society may matter…
Your relatives, friends
Your relatives’ position in this is not too different from your parents’. They may take differing, or similar stances depending on their background and your society’s expectations. Some may change their behavior or the level of respect towards you, some may get closer and some may become more distant.
Do with your relatives exactly the same thing which you are going to do with your parents, depending on the closeness of each relative and the relationship you have with him or her.
In certain cultures, this may not be any concern. In certain cultures, this may be very important.
Regardless, have a plan to address the reactions of your relatives just like the one you have for your parents.
With your friends, things may be different depending on the closeness and the type of friendship you have, and your culture. But in general, breaking out the news and alleviating their worries and dealing with their reaction should be much easier than your parents or your relatives.
Breaking out the news smoothly and slowly
When you have your plan ready, you will break out the news to your family, parents, relatives, and friends smoothly and slowly.
Avoid coming up one day and making a sudden declaration that will shock and shake people. Get them used to what’s coming up, and slowly release the concept to your circle, and then work your way ahead slowly.
A very important step, which we are going to address in the 4th part of the series: “How to break free from corporate life series: Part 4 – Breaking out the news”
